Infidelity exposed what next?
After the exposure of infidelity tempers run high, accusations proliferate, and major crises occur and recur. While infidelity is a major cause of failed marriages, most couples attempted to live in the situation, often providing a cold and bitter mistrust in there relationship. More than fifty percent of all couples who arrive for counseling do so preceding involvement in an extramarital affair.
Motives of Infidelity
Infidelity may happen in solid marriages just as well as marriages which have existing issues. The motives often include little or no self-esteem, lack of passion, sexual or romantic addiction, or a need for power. Infidelity many times results in emotions of guilt or shame it may also exist without any guilt or shame.
In many cases infidelity does not involve sexual relationships. It may be an emotional connection, deception, or flirtation. Emotional affairs are just as devastating as sexual infidelity and need to be treated in many cases in the same way. The Internet has created intimacy problems in marriages, even though correspondents often never meet in person. "Cyber-sex" is becoming a growing problem in many marriages and households.
Treatment
The initial shockwave of discovering a spouse’s infidelity generally leaves the spouses depressed, as with any trauma. Whether the wronged spouse feels they should know the details or not, there needs to be a search for any signs of a continuing betrayal. Expert help should be sought and only makes sense! In practically all infidelity cases communication is a major problem, there also is a need for major work such as:
- How the foundation of your marriage influences your relationship.
- Becoming aware of your sexual and emotion needs in order to put them into words so they make sense.
- Building behavioral skills that are self encouraging not self defeating.
- Learning good parenting and teamwork in the relationship to build and improve the foundation of the marriage.
- Addressing the past so you can move on and start living in today.
Therapists need to work with couples, in order to address the needs by exploring each participant’s emotions, probing the cause of the affair, and setting down guidelines for the couple. Trust will be rebuilt over time, by working together there also exists an opportunity for the couple to rebuild and possibly strengthen their marriage.
Couples need to keep in mind finger pointing and blame is never very useful. They should seek professional help before deciding on a course of action. In some cases one partner may refuse treatment, in such a case (especially when children are involved) there needs to be emotional termination to the relationship by both parties, it is therefore advised that the unwilling partner at least seek treatment so all involved can emotionally let go. This will benefit all involved in the relationship. In the event the couple decides to repair the relationship, they must seek the help of a professional, more importantly they need to have support from friends and family. Couples should not try and take on this task alone. |
