Infidelity therapies that promote recovery of broken marriages.
The therapist first must clarify whether which issue will be addressed, solidifying the marriage, resolving the issue whether to remain married, or constructive separation. Often one spouse is undecided or wants to leave the marriage, while the other is ready to rebuild the bond broken. The primary approach the therapist should take is to work with the couple. However, an undecided spouse or severely aggravated spouse will also require some one-on-one therapy sessions.
Couples will be able to rebuild there marriage through a model known as interpersonal trauma, this model uses a process by which couples learn forgiveness. Stage 1) the healing process after disclosure of infidelity will need to establish safety, and will address traumatic symptoms. Stage 2) Comprehending the vulnerabilities associated with extramarital involvement and recounting the story. Stage 3) Understanding the why and what of the affair and how it relates to the present, than moving beyond to understanding and forgiveness.
Secrecy between couples in the marriage plus a window of opportunity is characteristic of infidelity triangles. Rebuilding of the marriage requires terminating the secrecy and closing the window by constructing a wall between the infidelity partners and building a window between the married couple.
Reconciliation will not progress unless contact with the “other person” is terminated. Terminating infidelity would imply all forms not just the sexual aspect. It is imperative that all contact be terminated whether it is phone calls, or meeting for morning coffee. In the event the “other person” is a co-worker contact has to remain strictly business, should contact be made it is imperative that it be shared in order to facilitate the rebuilding of trust with the spouse.
Recounting the story of infidelity. In order to facilitate a stable recovery, information should be derived by a well structured guide or plan. Interrogation promotes defensiveness and therefore never is helpful in the healing process, even when forthcoming answers are truthful. Adversarial interaction as what may take place between detective and criminal are common in initial discussions. In order to relieve some informational pressure of the facts of who, how, when should be disclosed in the early phase of the process. Explicit details regarding the sexual nature and the reason or motivation behind the affair should not be revealed until later in the process when some recovery has taken place. Similar to a journalist and interviewee, disclosure evolves throughout the therapy process moving from factual-seeking to a simple information process in which neutrality governs the therapy process. The final phase to infidelity recovery approaches a state by which spouses are able to freely engage each other through communication and exploration of the soul.
Signals of relationship recovery. 1) Spouses begin to depend on each other emotionally and physically, this centers the relationship around them allowing them to cast away outside dependences (a typical outside dependence is children) 2) The weaknesses which caused the infidelity are addressed regularly as they occur. 3) The marriage partners cultivate trust, employ commitment, empathy and accept responsibility for shared change. |
