Infidelity, what you should know.
Exposure of infidelity is devastating, recurring crises along with intense emotions are normal reactions. All is not lost however, the majority of couples not only withstand infidelity, but experts are observing instances where the marriage and intimacy strengthen after therapy. EMI (extramarital involvement) accounts for 50 percent of all couples who seek treatment. A striking irony is that 90 percent of individuals polled condone extramarital relationships, while national surveys of married couples report that 15 percent of women and 25 percent of men had experienced EMI. Add in emotional infidelity or sexual intimacies absent of intercourse, and the incidence jumps an additional 20 percent.
Reasons and Types of Infidelity
Reasons for infidelity vary and are extremely complex. Infidelity often occurs in solid marriages as much as troubled ones. Often the involved partner is not receiving there needs from the marriage; they often are not contributing to the marriage either. Causes of extramarital involvement: little to no self-esteem, lack of basic relationship needs, or in social environments where affairs are condoned.
Multiple affairs often indicate addiction love, sex or romance. Romantic and love addictions are typically driven by the need of renewed passion. Compulsively attracted to the anxiety release and high of the sexual orgasm is the motivation of sexual addicts. However, feelings of gilt and worthlessness are the price paid by that release. Philanderers, however, who perceive infidelity as a right of status or gender entitlement, do so without guilt and very rarely suffer withdrawal symptoms.
The new crisis zone of infidelity is one in which individuals who otherwise are faithful are unwittingly stepping over the line of platonic friendship into extramarital involvement, particularly on the Internet and in the workplace. Emotional infidelity varies from platonic friendship in 3 distinct ways: 1) emotional attachment is great than that of the marriage 2) increased deception and secrecy, and 3) sexual desire. Internet infidelity, despite the lack of physical contact, exemplifies emotional infidelity. However, affairs which include intercourse and emotional attachment are the most devastating.
Vulnerabilities for infidelity are linked to marital problems such as avoidance of issues, lack of intimacy and changes in life such as parenthood, or empty-nest. Infidelity often starts as a way for a spouse to exit an unfulfilling marriage. More often, however, history of the marriage is rewritten to justify the affair. Forbidden love affairs built on romantic idealization can not be compared to the stability of long term relationships.
Discovery and the Impact
Suicidal thoughts and depression, anxiety, and sense of loss are common reactions by spouses after the initial discovery. Reactions of the victimized spouse are likened to post-traumatic stress found in individuals of catastrophic events. Pondering obsessively of the infidelity, ever watchful for continued betrayal, intrusive images, flashbacks, and physiological hyper-arousal, are all common reactions to the discovery of infidelity. The victims most traumatized by infidelity are typically those who least suspected and where the most trusting. Grieving of lost dreams and emotions associated with infidelity, while they fear permanent retribution are typical of the spouse involved in the affair. |
